"You will send several messages today. Whether you intend to or not, you'll communicate thoughts, feelings, and beliefs to other people. And because you're
reading this column, some of those interactions are likely to involve children. Maybe your own. Maybe grandchildren, nieces, or nephews. Maybe boys and girls you work with in ministry, sports, or education. Whatever your role, ask yourself: What messages will I send to my kids today?An unusual question, perhaps, but one worth considering. Estimates of adult vocabularies stretch to more than 60,000 words. Throughout every day, I combine thousands of those words to form the messages I send. Too often, though, I don't carefully select which ones I'll use—they just flow from me like water streaming from a faucet. At times, they are nearly random. But with so many words at my disposal, surely I can do better. In fact, I am determined to do exactly that.
Why should I care so much?
Because relatively simple messages can make really big differences to children. And
while some might seem unimportant and are forgotten in a moment, others will remain with us for a very long time. I learned this lesson a few years ago at the memorial service for a friend's dad. All who attended listened to three adult children share their memories of a great father—and every memory included a specific message that had impacted that son or daughter's life. They shared their late father's comments with details and passion that made you think they had heard his words just the night before.As a father of my own young kids, two challenging thoughts entered my mind and have stayed there ever since: Under similar circumstances, what would my kids say about me? What messages do I send them that will make a difference in their lives?
My conclusion: If I'm going to say lots of words to my kids—and I will—then I should make sure I say words that count. And so should you.I don't suggest something as unrealistic as scrutinizing and carefully planning every syllable of the thousands of words that we speak. We could never do that. Instead, I suggest something much, much easier—something that involves a mere handful of words. Realistically, parents should focus on a few key messages to continually communicate with kids in thousands of ways across all of the days a child falls under their care. My research has shown that "few" equals seven. Yes, seven. You'll find them in the book, Words Kids Need to Hear (Zondervan, 2008). In my role as children's ministry director of a local church, I often suggest to parents that they make these messages a priority—the critical first step in a mom or dad's responsibility for their kids' faith development. As parents, my wife and I have used these same phrases for years. Here's why.
An aviation-savvy friend once told me that a one-degree course change near the end of a flight could land a plane on the runway instead of an adjacent empty field. However, a one-degree course change at the beginning of the flight could ensure that
the plane doesn't entirely miss the airport (or even the destination city!) Much of navigating the challenges of parenting also seems to involve relatively small course adjustments. However slight, certain changes can significantly impact the direction kids will travel through life. And, just like the aviator's coordinates, parents' words can make the greatest impact the earlier they are used. Small messages, used over time, can lead to big transformation.Need more convincing? Take a moment to consider all the changes caused by just two words from Jesus: "Follow me." God has placed you, too, on a mission to make a difference in the young lives he's sent your way. A difference that can point them toward him. Yes, that mission. You will send several messages to your kids today—and it's up to you to point them in the right direction. "
Die woorde waarvan hy in sy boek praat is:
I believe in you.
You can count on me.
I treasure you.
I'm sorry, please forgive me.
Because.
No.
I love you.
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